“[…]You’re all puppets, tangled in strings… strings!” – Ultron, Avengers: Age of Ultron
So, excuses are fantastic.
You can basically get away with everything from skipping school to eating an extra slice of pie with these bad-boys. Excuses appear harmless enough, like the fleeting glimpse of a rabbit or a youtube video- They are there, then gone in a flash. Generally you never ask any of the deeper questions surrounding an excuse…
“What was the rabbit eating- dammit, no greens from the garden this year…”
“What happened to cute puppy that fell down the stairs? I… oh. *cries*”
You focus on the pleasure of the moment without concern of the long term consequence. Excuses are puppet masters. To what end? Likely neglect, with a dash of weight gain, and depression.
My job has been less than stellar for well over a year now and while I’m taking steps to rectify that- It’s taken an impact on my mental well-being. One way that I manage stress and depression is create projects for me to work on. This can be a dual-edged sword though as most folks know, I’ve already got a backlog of projects to hammer through… Avoiding the existing projects can add to the depression, which pushes me to take on smaller more accessible projects like- Cooking. Or more specifically baking.
(Also, the puppy in the example above grew up into a marginally less cute dog… where did your mind go? …What!? Terrible.)
Since November I’ve gained about 20lbs. Which, if I were at 240 or 220 wouldn’t be terrible. However I was already hovering at 260 again… So I’m now back to where I started two years ago. Huzzah, I’m now a part of the majority in the dieting statistics…
And I know why.
I really hate that bread, pasta, cookies, and fried things in general are so abundant. When they aren’t in my home. I don’t eat them. When I avoid going out to eat. I don’t eat them. I really hate them, because I love them. And I’ve hit this weight again because I’ve been eating them pretty regularly- Why? Because they are so EASY to make. And even when you screw up they are SO tasty (unless they’re burned).
One of the biggest things I resent is others pro-actively restricting my diet. I know they’re trying to help, but something inside of me knee-jerks to react, like- “Why don’t you love me for who I am?” When the truth is that I’m not even happy with who I am physically. So why should I expect them to be- when I’m not…? And you can see the depression spiral forming.
And I know my partner reads this blog- And so to him I say, I love you. I love your support and even though I can get moody about diet and gym- I don’t want you to stop supporting me. I’m stubborn. But I’m trying to be better, so… Thank you for suffering my stubbornness, haha.
So the only thing that I can think to do, is restrict my diet again. I know this doesn’t seem like a long-term solution, but I’ve got the tools- Hell, I’ve got the calculations on this site for what I need in order to be successful. The way to be successful is simply to establish a new, healthy pattern. Track my intake. Track my exercise. Make sure that I’m in a caloric deficit every last day. Plan ahead for when I know I’m going to be eating out, and when I do… Order protein and fiber heavy.
(rant)Which.. always seems to be a challenge. I just have issues paying $10-$30 for a salad I can make at home for $2… Usually with better ingrediants. Also when I go out to eat, I like to order things that I CAN’T make at home. (/rant)
But this also means, eat out less. Which we already do… But instead of caving into “not feeling like cooking” as an excuse to go out (Sushi anyone?)- Have healthy meals frozen and prepped so that I don’t have to hang in the kitchen. It’s all about being prepared and Cortez be damned. I’m going to cut my strings that are keeping me on this horrible diet path and push for the healthier option. Plan my carbs and ignore those aren’t accounted for… And next Christmas? Double the workouts, to compensate for the inevitable food wave.
Excuses or rather, the “eschewing of excuses” is a lifestyle change I am going to make.